It's been a long year full of ups and downs, as much as it has been stressful it has also been fun. I have learned so much about myself as well as about life in general. I am more my own person now than I was even a few months ago. I know what I want and what I am willing to do/give to get it. I am not going to compromise who I am for anyone or anything. I think that the reason I am excited to go to Europe for the school year next year is that I know who I am and I know that being on my own is only going to help me find who I am and what I want to do with the rest of my life. I am excited to go and have no fears about going really yet at the same time I have fears for what it will be like to come back to Carthage after a year away. I know all of my friends will be excited to see me but at the same time I think it will feel weird to be back in the United States no less being in a college that is way different with way more people to meet and know.
I have admitted to one of my best friends that I have feelings for him and that I have for a long time now. We have been good friends for almost 11 years and it is absolutely insane to think it has been that long. He also admitted these feelings being reciprocated on his side and yet we are both still single and most likely going to stay that way for at least a year when it comes to each other. He is going to Afghanistan and wants nothing to happen. I was at first okay with this but after thinking on it for awhile I have realized that it is not fair of him to expect me to just sit by while he is gone and wonder what is going on and if anything will ever happen between us. I have opinions too and I want to be able to voice them to him. Honestly, I feel that if we were to both just being open to possibilities things would be better off than us trying to be friends and ignore the fact that we both know how the other feels/know how the other felt.
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